The truth...and a BIG God....

I feel like I have been very open with this whole IVF process, as I feel like there is NOTHING for me to hide and there is no shame in infertility treatments.  However, it's taken me a few days to get the courage up to write this post....

The first week after the transfer was pretty up and down.  My emotions were all over the place, from thinking there is no way it could have worked to there is no way it couldn't have worked.  On day 4 after a 5 day transfer I got a VERY light positive pregnancy test on an E.P.T BUT it was after the time aloud for a positive pregnancy read.  I got negatives the rest of the day.  On 5 days past a 5 day transfer I got a negative in the morning (I truly thought it was over at this point).  But that night, I got a clear positive on a First Response Test.  Then 6 days past a 5 day transfer I took a Clear Blue Easy Digital pregnancy test and got a "Pregnant" in minutes.  I couldn't believe it.  It was a glorious days.

Very First VERY Faint Positive - FMU 4dp5dt.  Its so light its VERY hard to see.....but trust me it's there!

5dp5dt in the pm.  Another VERY light positive, but in the light its clearly there.  

6dp5dt am.  And the digital says it all.....

** And now for the bad news.  After just one day of celebration I began to bleed at 7 days past a 5 day transfer.  I called the doctors office to see what they suggested.  They had me start my progesterone injections again and discontinue the progesterone suppositories I was taking.

(Just wanted to give you a visual of what I'm doing every night.   Trust me when I say it actually doesn't hurt!  And yes I give them to myself!)

I also had my blood draw moved up to Wednesday April 13th which would put me at 9 days past a 5 day transfer.  The bleeding was still going strong on the day of beta blood draw.  I was also having A LOT of cramping.  It was very scary and in my heart I really felt like things were not going to turn out good.  When I got the call with my results to my surprise the beta level was 238.  The "normal" level for a blood day 9 days past a 5 day transfer is 80, so mine was VERY high.  I have to admit, I was pretty numb to the idea that things were going to be okay.  I had my repeat beta on Friday (looking for the numbers to come to close to doubling) and it was 405, which wasn't doubling but still a very strong number none the less.  They were satisfied with this number and have scheduled my first ultrasound to be on April 25th at 3:00pm.

I have currently been almost 48hrs bleeding free.  Which is a good sign, of course.  I'm still a little numb to the whole situation but I really believe that is because I have TRULY put my trust in the Lord the last week.  I had a friend *give it to me straight* at lunch recently and it felt good for them to tell me that the way I was acting was NOT evident that I had given it to the Lord.  As much as I didn't want to hear it, it was the truth.  God already knows the outcome for this sweet baby and for me to worry will NOT bring the baby to life or take the baby away.  And right now I am grateful to God for the chance at another child.

Thank you Lord for protecting my feelings, for giving me strength and for once again - Coming Like The Rain....

Leslie