Well....I'm back....

I needed a little blog break after everything that happened - so suddenly and well...shockingly.  After my post about me reaching "my dark place" I guess my body somehow knew it was time.  Less than 24hrs later I woke up at 5:00am with my water broken and 12 hours after that the twins were here.

Nolan only spent 8 days in the NICU and was never on any form of oxygen or other life saving devices.  He was basically a "feeder and grower" and was also given some IV meds to help any infections that could have been present.  He was strong as an ox and has grown SO much.  He left the hospital around 5lbs and is now 7lbs6oz 3 weeks later.  He is such a strong boy and doing so well at home.  He is a little more alert than his sister and honestly he is a bit more whinny ;) but he's OH SO SWEET.  I'm so in love with my first baby BOY!!!

Nora spent 13 days in the NICU and after a few days of being on oxygen and CPAP they decided it was best for her to be on a ventilator.  So she was on that for about 3 days as they gave her some meds to help her lungs mature.  After her lungs matured and she was able to nipple her feedings she really started to do very well.  Her lowest weight was 4lbs 1oz but when she left the hospital she was back at her birth weight of 4lbs 13oz.  As of a few days ago she was 6lbs 2oz.  She is also doing VERY well at home, eating, sleeping and pooping like a champ.  She is VERY calm so far and we are counting our blessings and praying her personality stays the same ;).

Both babies are just such a huge blessing and we couldn't be more proud of our little fighters.  We are also so thankful for everyone who sent cards, brought us dinner, loved on us and prayed for us while we were dealing with getting our sweet babies home.  We are SO grateful for such beautiful people in our lives.  God has really blessed us.

We also had our newborn photo shoot this past week and although I don't have the pictures back I did get a sneak peak hehe and Ill share that picture! =)

Thank you Lord for our sweet blessings.

Leslie

I'm not ready to really post just yet....

But I'll give a quick update.  The twins were born after my water broke (in my sleep) on Saturday November 5th at 5:30pm and 5:35pm.  They were both born vaginally - Nolan John was born first weighing 5lbs6oz followed by Nora Emerson who weighted 4lbs13oz.

Nolan is doing well and really just learning how to feed and doing some growing.  I hope he's home in a week or so but no one has said anything about him coming home yet....so we will see.  Nora on the other hand has had a hard time.  She is currently on a ventilator because her lungs just were clearly not ready.  After she gets off the vent she will just need to be able to nipple all her feedings, keep her body temp up and do some more growing.  It will be a little bit harder road for her but we are confident that she will be home in our arms soon.

Thank you for all your love, support and prayers as we deal with this very emotionally and physically draining time.

Leslie

My dark place....

Well I'm here in my dark place.  The place I hoped I wouldn't get to but here I am none-the-less.  It's pretty awful feeling the way I do physically and then I get the comments of "Oh but they need to be in as long as they can" and "you don't want a preemie" and then my favorite "I have a friend who went to 40 weeks with twins".  Well all those are great and fine but until you have carried twins in your belly and felt the pain and weight of the situation I prefer if you just say, I'm praying for you Leslie, you can do it.  That's all I need to hear.  I fully understand that having a preemie is not ideal, I fully understand that a lot of woman make it to 40 weeks (although MOST don't even come close to it). And I fully understand that they need to "cook" for as long as they can.  Thank you for your advice but like I said until you have been pregnant with twins and felt the toll it takes on your body, it's best to just pray for your friends.  It's not easy, it's not fun and it's not cute.  Am I grateful?  OF COURSE I AM.  These are such miracle babies and my husband and I want NOTHING more than for them to be full term healthy babies.  But that doesn't make the pain and depression I'm feeling any better.  I feel SO guilty that I can't be the mom to my two little girls that I want to be.  I feel SO guilty that my husband has to do 99.9% of the things around the house.  I want to be able to tuck my kids in at night, I want to do the laundry, I want to get them ready for school - but I can't and I hate it.

I was texting with my friend in China back and forth for about 30 minutes today and she really helped to pull me out from my funk today.  She recently went through a very hard time and reminded me that no one or nothing can bring you out from the dark place.  ONLY through God and seeking after him can you come to a place of acceptance and healing.  I know my body will be tested to the max the next few weeks.  I know that there isn't a human on this earth that can make my physical pain go away but I do know I have a heavenly father that can show me his love and mercy and healing powers.  I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I am grateful for friends who remind me to pray, who pray for me and don't tell me things I already know.  Thank you Lord for showing your mercy on me and giving me a friend just when I needed it to hear your message - all the way from China.

Leslie

33 weeks

Well one more week down.  Praise the Lord.  I had my OB appt yesterday and it went awesome, I'm really liking my new OB, he is taking wonderful care of me and is so kind.  I feel very blessed.  At the appointment I had an ultrasound first and the babies are not only looking GREAT but they are HUGE too.  Nora is estimated at 5lbs and Nolan is estimated at 4lbs11oz.  I can't believe I have almost 10 pounds of baby in there.  No WONDER my feet are so huge and my body hurts so bad.  I really hope these babies come in a few weeks on their own, I've had enough thats for sure.  My body is DONE.

There isn't much more to report besides that I go back next week for my first scheduled NST and he will also do a cervix check at that point too.  So I'm excited to see what next week has in store for the babies and I!!! =)

Hope everyone has a great week!

Leslie