Thursday, March 31, 2011

IVF #2 - Day 30 - Fertilization Report!

Total Shot Count - 47

Today I was told that I would be getting a call around 9:00am to let me know how many of our 11 eggs fertilized in the "dish" ha-ha.  Well they ended up being way behind in the OR today and they didn't call me until 12:30.  I was on pins and needles waiting to hear.  Turns out 10 out of the 11 eggs fertilized and are now growing!  I'm so happy I can't stand it.  They automatically set you up for a 3 day embryo transfer which would put me back there on Saturday.  However, with so many growing I was told it would most likely be pushed back to a 5 day transfer - which would mean I would go in on Monday morning.  I won't know until Saturday morning what day it will be.  Either way I just pray that we get two good looking embryo's back in their momma, asap!

I'll keep you all posted!  Please keep praying for our "dish babies" haha.  Love to all of you!


Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Total Shot Count - 46

After my panic post (below) I'm feeling so much better haha.  For whatever reason my ovaries went from SUPER full to me feeling NOTHING in just a 24hr period.  This worried me so badly I think I only slept about 3 hrs last night.  I'm so grateful for two sweet friends who were up VERY early this morning to help talk me off the ledge.  God has blessed me so much with such amazing friends I have no words except "thank you" for all the love the support I have been given.  I couldn't have gotten this far without them.

Today was egg retrieval day.  We got up at 5:30am to make the 1:15min drive to the doctor to be there by 7:30am.  When I got there they took me right back and had me change.  They had my IV in within 20 mins and then they let Brett come back to sit with me until I was taken to the OR.  I was a nervous wreck while I was waiting and the nurses knew it ha-ha.  They did their best to calm me down and were so so sweet.  Once in the OR I was asleep within 30 seconds.  I remember laughing my head off and the doctor joking with me saying, no laughing in here...then boom - I was out.  The next thing I remember was waking up in recovery and being told they got 11 EGGS!  I couldn't believe it.  I was so happy.  My goal was to have between 10 and 15 eggs and sure enough thats exactly what I got.  I couldn't be more thrilled.

Tomorrow morning around 9:00 am I will get the phone call telling me how many eggs where mature and then went on to be fertilized.  Depending my number of embryos and how well they are growing I will have my Egg Transfer either Saturday morning, Sunday morning or Monday morning.  Either way is fine with me but I won't know until the morning of the transfer what day it will be.

I'm just looking forward to this being over and being able to relax.  I'm grateful to have finally gotten to this point and I'm grateful for my sweet friends and husband who have held my hand the whole way.  Thank you Lord for this amazing chance at another baby.  Your will be done...


A day of worry....

I admit it....I'm not perfect (duh haha).  Its 3:30am on the day of my egg retrieval and I have a pit in my stomach that something is very very wrong.  Two days ago (day of Trigger Shot) I was so "full" of eggs I could hardly sit down.  I was in pain when I moved and felt nausea almost  Yesterday and this morning my symptoms have slowly gone from painful to literally feeling 100% fine, like I never did IVF and like my eggs are gone.  In a very small percent of woman you can ovulate your eggs too soon, before they are able to harvest them.  You could say I'm over reacting and everything will be fine but in my heart of hearts I know something is very wrong.

I'm crying out to God tonight for many different reasons, for my IVF cycle, for my decisions with moving forward to even do IVF and for the loss of a dear dear friend today to cancer.  I would be foolish to say that I don't question the decision to add more to our family.   I question it a lot.  I don't feel in my heart of hearts that IVF and the like are a "wrong" decisions but I worry that maybe I'm pushing my body and my mind to the limit.  Maybe I'm playing God and forcing his hand at something that he doesn't want for my family.  I'm not saying this to say that what I'm doing is WRONG, please hear me on this. I'm saying this because I'm worried sick that maybe I won't ever feel the joy of another pregnancy and birth again.  Maybe I won't ever cuddle another one of my newborn babies at 1:00am.  Maybe I'm not meant to mother others.

I'm struggling from a place of pure mental torture right now.  I'm struggling from a place deep in my heart that if I allow myself to go there, maybe I won't come back?  The feelings of emptiness in my heart that I felt 4 years ago, before I had any children are flooding my mind tonight.  Am I following after my dream for my life or am I following after God's will for my life?  Does he even want this for me?  If not, then why are the feelings SO strong to have another child?  If I shouldn't have another child then Lord please please please take away my desire.  Take away anything that is not of you and take away anything that is clouding my view of your glory in my life.  If your desire is for us to have another child, then please Lord, let it be.

Tonight, I'm scared, I'm struggling, I'm worried, I'm tired and I'm sad.  But I know that no matter what happens in a few hours...HE IS GOD AND I AM NOT.  And to fully accept that is to fully surrender my pain, my family, my future and my life to the one that always, without a doubt, comes like the rain....


Monday, March 28, 2011

IVF #2 - Day 27

Total Shot Count - 45

Side Effects - Physically I'm about to burst.  I've never felt so "full" in my life.  It's just so painful but you should see the ultrasound of my ovaries....they are HUGE.  There are so many eggs in there the doctor doesn't even measure them all.  It's crazy to watch and the doctor was laughing today because it was taking so long that she's going to have to have a hand break after holding the ultrasound wand for so long.  Emotionally I'm feel okay.  I have the normal nervousness that anyone would feel going into an IVF cycle but I have some pretty amazing friends that are helping me keep my head on straight and remembered to trust God's plan.  It's nice to have so many sweet friends backing me up and loving me even in the middle of my storm.  I am so blessed.

Tonight I take my trigger shot at 9:15pm.  This will put me at an Egg Retrieval date of Wednesday at 9:15am.  I go in tomorrow morning at 9:00am to have my pre-op with Dr. Loy.  I haven't laid eyes on him this whole cycle so it will be super nice to finally see him tomorrow.  He will not be the doctor on call for IVF egg retrievals on Wednesday, it's the doctor who opened the practices SO many years ago - I feel very confident in him =).  It's hard to believe I'm finally at this point in the cycle.  It's been a WHOLE lot of waiting, panicking, praying, poking myself with needles and texting my friends with all my crazy updates haha.  Baby we come!  Once again God YOU ARE IN CONTROL! =)


Sunday, March 27, 2011

IVF#2 - Day 26

Total Shot Count - 42

Side Effects - Emotionally I'm feeling awesome.  I haven't had the emotional highs and lows that I thought I would have.  Besides the occasional freak out on the way to the doctor (just ask my friends who I was texting with haha) I haven't been emotionally effected.  Physically is a WHOLE other story.  First off I've gone to the doctor 3 times in the last 4 days.  All the appointments have been early morning (all before 9:30), therefore I have not gotten the sleep I'm use to.  This has been hard not only because I'm lacking sleep but because a side effects of the drugs themselves make you tired!  I also have a very "full" feeling in my ovaries - but I'm going close to 30 follicles/eggs....I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that.  I have a hard time sitting down and standing up, I just have to really be careful not to move too fast =).

As far as doctors appointments go, things have been great.  I have been stimming very quickly and efficiently. I went to the doctor yesterday morning and this morning.  Both times my estrogen levels have been perfect at 1800 and 2300 respectively.  So it looks like tomorrow I will be going in at 9:30am to have one more scan/blood draw and then I should be triggering tomorrow night!  That means Egg Retrieval will be set for Wednesday morning!  I will know all the details tomorrow after my appointment.  I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. It seems like its taken SO long to get to this point but no matter what happens this is God's plan.  I am grateful for the opportunity to have a chance at having another child.  God is good and HIS plan for my life is far better than any plans I could ever make for myself.



Thursday, March 24, 2011

IVF#2 - Day 23

Total Shot Count - 33

Side Effects - I'm feeling very "full" today.  I've had acid reflux and a pounding headache the past two days.  I'm also pretty tired today.  Emotionally I'm holding strong but I am starting to become a little more worried about everything going on.

Today I went to the doctor at 8:00am.  It was an easy drive today and I was able to relax and listen to some praise and worship was a great morning with my God.  When I got there they first drew my blood to check in estrogen (E2) level.  Then they did an ultrasound.  I had 27 follicles between the two ovaries.  Things looked really good but they do worry a lot about me "overstimulating" because of how many follicles I am growing though.  Ovarian Hyper-stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) can be very dangerous and you can end up in the hospital with some pretty bad stuff if you are not careful.  So when the nurse called me to tell me the results of my blood work she told me the E2 was 990 (which is pretty high) and that when I go back on Saturday I will be starting on a diet to help ward off OHSS.  I have to admit I am worried that I'll over stim and they will have to cancel the cycle because of this but God is in control.  There is nothing that I can do at this point but pray and trust God to take of me.  He already knows this outcome and I have to keep reminding myself that.

Please keep me in your prayers as things start to come to the end.  Looking forward for more answers on Saturday.


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

IVF #2 - Day 22

Total Shot Count - 30

Side Effects - Today things have gone a little south haha.  I'm starting to have bad acid reflex and my tummy looks like I'm 3 months pregnant with all the bloat that is going on.  Emotionally I feel great, which is good news.

Tomorrow I go back to the doctor for an 8:00am blood draw and ultra sound.  I'm looking forward to seeing how things are going but I'm NOT looking forward to getting up at 6:00 to leave by 6:45.  I just have to keep telling myself to keep my eyes on the prize.  I'm so blessed to have made it to this point and I'm keeping in mind that God has his hand is over this whole process, he is in charge!!!!

I'll keep you all posted as to how tomorrow goes!  Thank you for all the prayers and support!


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

IVF #2 - Day 21

Total Shot Count - 27

Side Effects - Still feeling really great physically and emotionally right now.  Besides being worried about each and every trip to the doctor in Orlando and what the results will be....I'm fine!

I had my Stim Day 3 blood draw today.  They didn't do an ultrasound today but will do blood work AND ultrasound at every other doctors appointment from here on out.  I got my results of my estrogen level and its a little bit high at 274.  They want me to lower my dose of Follistim to 100 (was at 125) and go back on Thursday morning at 8:00am.  I'm looking forward to my next appointment to see where my levels are and to actually SEE the ultrasound and count the follicles! =)  Things are about to good!!!!


Sunday, March 20, 2011

IVF #2 - Day 19


Total Shot Count - 21

Side Effects - None yet.....we shall see what these new medications bring.

I wanted to share a picture of my morning "breakfast."

(first shot is Lupron, second shot is Menopur and q-cap, blue pill is the antibiotic, white pill is metformin and yellow pill is a low dose aspirin. )

The menopur shot I did in my leg, its feeling a bit sore but I'm sure Ill get use to it fast.  Tonight I do my follistim shot (which I'll also do in my leg).  My next trip to the doctor is Tuesday at 9:00am.  I'm looking forward to watching my ovaries do their thing!  This hopefully will be a very quick 10 days.  

Thanks again for all the prayers and support I've been getting the last few days!  And I'm so grateful to my God who has given me another chance at having a baby.  God this is your child, your life - I will follow you.


Saturday, March 19, 2011

IVF #2 - Day 18

Total Shot Count - 18

Side Effects - None recently.  I've been on the lupron for 18 days so my body is really starting to get use to it.  I'm not the emotional wreck I was a week or two ago haha.

Tomorrow morning I start my stim medications.  This will cause my ovaries to produce a massive amount of eggs!  During this phase (which usually lasts about 10 days) I will be giving myself 3 shots daily.   Two shots in the morning (Lupron and Menopur) and one shot at night (Folistim).  During this time I will also be going to the doctor for an ultrasound and blood work on an every 2 or so day basis until the follicles are large enough to take the eggs out.  This is the phase that is VERY time consuming and hard because of the time, effort and emotional and physical stress that your body is put through.

I feel so blessed to have finally made it to this point.  It's been 41 days from the start of my birth control pills to get here.  There has already been a lot of set backs and IVF schedule changes but God has giving me the strength to keep pushing forward.  I'm feeling very confident in a God who is much bigger than I.  Thank you Lord for calming my spirit and even adding some humor into the last few weeks.  May you be glorified my King....


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

IVF#2 - Day 14

Total Shot Count - 14

Side Effects - Emotionally unstable haha but besides that, I'm feeling pretty darn good physically.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 to get to my doctors apt in Orlando by 9:00.  I was in and out in no time and for the first time in a LONG time I got GOOD NEWS.  Praise the Lord - his timing is always perfect.  My cyst was now at 8 (needed to be under 10) and my Estrogen needed to be 50 or below and it was right at 50.  I will continue on my Lupron alone until Sunday morning when I am able to start my stims.  Starting on Sunday will also give my body 4 more days for my estrogen to go lower and my cyst to get even smaller.  As annoying as it is to wait a few more days - it is best for my body so I'm good with it! =)  It feels so good to finally get GOOD news with this whole process!  I can't believe we are so close now.  If there is one thing that infertility has tough me it's patients.  I have relented to the fact that I am not in control, nor will I ever be in control - so God here I am, all of me.....


Friday, March 11, 2011

UPDATE to Day 10.....

Got the call from my doctor.  My E2 level was 55 (they want to see it under 50, so its ALMOST there) and the cyst was 12 (they want to see it under 10, once again ALMOST there).  So with that said, they will have me back Tuesday to check it out.  The doctor is almost positive it will be gone by then because it's SO close to being gone anyways.  The BAD news is...they ONLY start stims on Saturdays/Sundays/Mondays  I have NO idea why they do this.  So it looks like even if I'm 100% ready on Tuesday I will still have to wait until Saturday morning to start my stims.  So all in all it looks like I will be delayed a week, 7 extra shots.  Which, in the BIG picture of life, is nothing.  But in the LITTLE picture of IVF seems like an eternity.

Right now I'm trusting a BIG God.  He is holding my hand through it all.  I've got many, many friends praying many, many prayers for this sweet baby to come to existence.  I AM BLESSED beyond measure to have the faith family standing with me, believing for LIFE.  Thank you God.  


IVF#2 - Day 10

Total Shot Count - 10

Side Effects - TOO MANY TO LIST.

Honestly....I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through.  I don't remember my emotions being so off the chain last time like they are right now.  I could try and explain the emotions that go along with IVF but words on a page could NEVER do it justice.  Ever.  My heart is heavy, but my brain knows that what we are doing is well worth every penny, every heart ache, every shot, every drive to Orlando and every phone call of bad news - because in the end I know that God has big plans for our family.

Today I went to the doctor for my ovary suppression check.  It didn't go well.  I still have a cyst on my left ovary.  It IS smaller than it was 3 weeks ago but it's still bigger than they would like to see before starting stims.  When I saw the cyst on the ultra sound machine - I knew it was too big and I lost it.  I cried like a little girl.  My sweet nurse talked me through it - I really adore the office staff at CRM in Orlando.  I am blessed.   I will get the call back around 3 or 4pm (after the doctor has seen my blood work and scans) to give me an updated game plan.  I'm hoping that it's just a few more days of Lupron and then a re-check followed by starting stims sometime next week.

Today I realize that I am better and stronger because of my circumstances.  My love for my kids is amplified because of my circumstances and so is my love for God.  Because in the myst of my pain that is when God comes....He Comes Like The Rain....


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

IVF#2 - Day 8

Total Shot Count - 8

Side Effects - I'm not sure what is going on but today I've been an emotional wreck.  I know I will snap out of it, I always do but man I've been a "hot mess" today!

This week really has brought some renewed strength.  I'm grateful for a God that doesn't leave us when we are at the bottom of the valley, but instead carries us out.  

God help me to remember, less of me, more of you!


Monday, March 7, 2011

IVF#2 - Day 6

Total Shot Count - 6

Side Effects - Nothing on day 5 or 6.  I'm really feeling good which is awesome because the first few days I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open.  Praise the Lord for renewed strength.

I'm counting the hours until Friday when I get to go back to the doctor for an ovary check.  Still praying hard for no cyst so I can start the stims on Saturday.  Please pray with me as this day is getting closer and I'm getting more and more worried.


Today was a ruff day for me emotionally.  Not because of IVF or anything that comes along with it (so far IVF has been a breeze ha-ha).  But for some personal reasons.  It's days like today I am reminded just how precious my dad is.  I think about his life and what he's done, whats he's overcome and just how wise he truly is.  I'm grateful that God spared him 5 years ago when we were told he wouldn't live.  But he has and it's days like today I am reminded why.  He makes things that seem impossible, possible.  He makes even the worst of days feel just a little bit better.  And he makes pains that can't be fixed by anyone else feel more bearable.  I'm grateful for a father that knows whats best and wants whats best for those he loves.  And I am grateful for his example - it makes loving my Heavenly Father so easy, so real, so right.

Thank you Lord for the honor of being born into a family that knows and loves you.  I understand that I can not choose who my parents are but I grateful that you gave me the ones you are a God full of grace and mercy.   Please give my soul the rest it needs and I seek to trust you in EVERY area of my broken life.  


Saturday, March 5, 2011

IVF #2 - Day 4

Total Shot Count - 4

Side Effects - Today I've had a great day physically. I haven't been tired at all.  I have noticed an increase in hunger but I'm hoping that goes away when I stop the birth control pills tomorrow.  I'm so happy I will be putting those behind me, it's nice to have one thing down ha-ha.

A lot of people have been asking me how much longer until I know something here's a quick timeline;

**6 more days of Lupron Shots (unless my cyst isn't gone when they check on Friday at my suppression check, then it will be 13 more days of Lupron shots)
**10-12 days of stims along with lupron shots (last day of stims I do a trigger shot in prep for egg retrieval)
**Egg Retrieval Day
**5 days to let embryos grow
**Egg Transfer Day
**12 days after Transfer - blood pregnancy test!

So as you can see, we have a LONG time to go...ruffly 34 more days before I know if it worked it or not! ;)

I'm having a really hard time today not thinking about what will happen next Friday at my suppression check.  I have a bad feeling that I'm going to be really upset if the cyst is not gone.  If it isn't then I have to wait another week to check again to see if then I can start stims.  I feel like this whole process is SO long that adding another week just seems so daunting.  I'm hoping that my mind and my spirit will be put to rest by God as I seek to trust in him today.  I'm really looking forward to church tonight and tomorrow morning.  Listing to my husband lead worship always gives me a sense of calm and the freedom of worship at Highland Park gives me the opportunity to really come into the presence of God.

I need you right now God.  Please reveal yourself to me as I pray and seek to trust you more and more.  I'm scared and I'm worried, I'm your daughter and I need you right now.  Help me make it through but most importantly help me to trust you and love you through this storm.  Please Lord today, Come Like The Rain....


Friday, March 4, 2011

IVF #2 - Day 3

Total Shot Count - 3

Side Effects - (I'm only on Lurpon until next Friday.  One shot, in the tummy each morning) I'm so tired ALL DAY LONG.  I can hardly keep my eyes open today.  I do not remember feeling this way last time, but then again I didn't have a 3 year old and a 2.5 year old.  Besides extreme fatigue I'm not having any other problems.  So I guess I should count my blessings.

I'm looking forward to next Friday (when I have my suppression check to make sure the cyst is gone) so I can start my stims.  I feel like I've been in this holding pattern for SO LONG.  But I'm also grateful for the time I have had to reflex on this cycle.  I'm feeling very relaxed about it.  I try not to talk about it much with Brett and generally try to keep it very low key.  It doesn't need to be a major stress in our family life - and it isn't.  God is really protecting our family this time around and by letting him take the wheel things are already going much better than expected.


In Fostering news.  I've got almost everything finished now.  Still a few more lose ends to tie up and we need to do our Home Inspection (not the same as home study) and our CPR classes.  Besides those things we are pretty much set.  I'm taking this one day at a time and as slow I need to and things are really falling into place.  God has shown much protection and favor over us the past few months it's been awesome to sit back and watch.


That's all for now....I'll upset soon when I have more info! =)  Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers - keep them coming, they mean SO much to us!