Monday, May 30, 2011

Week 11 and home from Vacation....

Well that was a short week.  Why do vacations take SO long to get here and then FLY by while you are in the moment?  We had a wonderful time in Mexico with our sweet friends, we laughed (and cried haha) shared some awesome conversations,  enjoyed the Mexican sun (and got the tan lines to prove that), and ate any and everything we could get our hands on!   But as always there is NOTHING better than getting home to see your children.

This was our first "real adult vacation" with friends and it was so much better than I could have planned.   It's so very hard to step out of your life, even for just a few days and be separated from the rest of the world.  It's funny because when I am home I can hardly go a few hours without checking my email or Facebook, but when you are so far away that you have no choice but to leave it alone it's amazing how much those things really don't matter.

I've had a lot on my mind lately.  I *think* I'm starting to finally accept that fact that we are going to have 4 children.  But some days I wake up and I think it's all a crazy dream.  I mean how could I have not known that this would happen to us?  We did IVF I should have expected it, right?  WRONG.  When you suffer in fertility you can hardly believe you can get pregnant with ONE baby much less two (or more).  I know that in all of this God has a plan.  But I start to dream and let my mind go places it shouldn't go and I wonder what this many kids will do to our marriage, to our girls, to our finances.  I understand that I'm grieving our "old life" and starting to realize that things will never be the same again.  It won't just be Kate and Ella anymore it will be Kate, Ella and the twins.  Wow twins.  Saying it still takes my breath away.  

I think in my mind I've had this dream of picking up and going somewhere one day....anywhere.  I want to serve God, people, and my true passion - the church.  And I worry that 4 kids means none of these things will happen.  But then I realize that I will only be 28 when the twins are born.  I have A LOT of living to do still.   I'm reminded that there are PLENY of people serving God out there with far more children than 4.  I remember that God is far bigger than 4 children.  And I remember that my children are a beautiful gift from God not a road block.  God will show up in a big way to use our family in a big way.  We just have to be open and willing to listen.

Lord, please continue to give me strength - I fully understand that our future will be anything but "easy."  Show me how to trust you when I don't feel like I can't trust anything anymore.  Help me to put getting into your word at the top of my "to-do" list every single morning.  Teach me how to pray for and with my children so I don't have to "worry" about their futures.  Help me to remember that YOU are their father and your protection is far grater than anything Brett and I could provide for their sweet little lives.  You are God and we are not.


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Off to Mexico.....

Well tomorrow at 6:00am we are heading out to the airport on our way to Mexico.  Brett and I are going with two of out favorite friends Brooklyn and Coy (they work with Brett).  We are staying Monday-Friday and will be totally kid free.  I won't even know what to do with myself.  However, I just dropped my sweet girls off at my parents house tonight so we didn't have to do it early and I'm already missing the heck out of them.  I know once we get there we will have a WONDERFUL time but there is something about leaving your kids that makes your heart hurt a little bit.

I love you Kate and Ella.  Be good for pama and papa and we will see you Friday.  You two are my everything.


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Monday, May 16, 2011

8w5d - Back to the OB on Wednesday at 9w.....

Well I get one more look at the babies on 5-18-11 until my 12 weeks ultra sound on June 7th.  I'm really excited to see the babies again and to also ease my mind that everything is still going great.  I'm really looking forward to seeing those little gummy bears haha!

On another note.  I have signed on with a nanny agency service here in Florida (West Palm Beach).  We are looking for a live-in nanny to stay with us for 2-3 months after the twins are born.  So far there are 5 candidates in the running with two being my top choices.  I have a few weeks to make a final decision but these ladies book FAST.  They spend their whole lives going from new born to new born and travel all over the US.  It seems like a crazy life to me but oh how grateful I am that there are people out there who do this for a living! =)  We know this is a luxury that is above and beyond the "norm" here in Lakeland, FL haha but we know how hard having two babies is and honestly I will admit, we can't do it alone!

Onto some fun news! We are going to MEXICO next week!  We are PUMPED!  We planned this trip right after we finished IVF because we knew we needed some much needed "adult" time.  We are going with another awesome couple, whom we adore and we know we will have an amazing time with.  If you are interested this is the adults only, all inclusive resort we will be staying at;


Last but not least.  I just wanted to say how much I adore my sweet girls right now.  They have been such a joy the last few months (not that they haven't been sweet their whole lives haha) but just these last few months they really have grown into little woman.  God has truly blessed us with some of the kindest little girls anyone could ask for.

Thank you Lord for your hand on our lives.....for your hand on our children (all 4 of them) and for the future that you have planned for us.  We are blessed.


Monday, May 9, 2011

7w5d - First OB appointment tomorrow!

I'm so darn excited about being released from my fertility doctor in Orlando last Thursday (sorry I didn't post sooner, but we went on a weekend trip to Disney for Mother's Day).  I got another great picture of the twins.  Both were measuring exactly the same length and both had heart rates of 150 (boys?).   Here is the latest picture of the sweeties.....

Tomorrow is my first real OB appointment with Dr. Mammel and I'm super excited.  I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I'm having TWINS.  I truly never thought it would happen to me.  I mean of course I always KNEW there was a chance doing IVF, but still the chances are slim.  I have to admit I did have a grieving period after we found out.  It wasn't that I wasn't SUPER excited about the babies but I also know what is coming.  Seeing as how I have had two babies before I know exactly what to expect and to be honest with you, it's scary.  Having twins may "look fun" but trust me, it's almost more work than one person can bare ha-ha.  Not to mention the fact that carrying twins is NOT easy.  My biggest fear (that I'm completely giving to God) is making it to full term.  I know that keeping the babies in as long as I can is SO important and so keeping myself healthy is what I'm most focused on at this point.  God will take of the babies and I, I have to believe and trust in that.

I have a million questions for my OB tomorrow.  I hope he is ready for me ;).   More to come soon....