Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Drowning

I feel like I'm drowning in American Christianity again. I'm so cynical and sad. I hate feeling this way please tell me it happens even in 3rd world countries?  But I already know the answer.  Today I drove a momma (our poorest of poor besides actually being homeless) 45 mins to get her PHONE fixed.  And I can't help but think - is this it?  We talked, listened to praise music - we are friends. She's a lesbian,  living with her girl friend and her 5 children in a free apartment. The government gives her food, shelter and enough for clothing and she (and THEM) seem to think that's plenty. Which it is. But there is so much more. Jesus. They know who Jesus is but reject him bc he's the western Jesus and lets be honest the Western Jesus doesn't look a whole lot like the Real Jesus.  And they have the government to be their Jesus.  I'm wrapped up in America - I have so much I don't think I could spend it all if I tried. And I hear God whisper - "give it all up.". I'm the rich man who walks away.....

My heart has been pierced by the tongues of friends and enemies alike. It hurts.  But his cause is more than words typed out. More than slanderous tongues or lost integrity.   I want to keep my integrity. I've failed. Grace oh beautiful Grace can you cover me again?  I've asked before but I need you again. I remember the cross and all it means I remember his grace is FREE to me but cost the heaviest price for HIM.  Thank you for that Jesus.

Oh heavy heart be still and wait for The Lord to move. Jesus fight for me and help me continue to fight for you. Guard me from those you warn me about and guard me from those people you know about. May it be here on earth as it is  Heaven.

Psalm 15
Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain?  The one whoses walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart; whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others; who despises a vile person but honors those who fear The Lord; who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind; who lends money to the poor without interest; who accepts a bribe against the innocent. Whoever does these things will never be shaken.

Amen.

2 comments:

Jessie Goodman said...

ISAIAH 58...

Anonymous said...

I so understand where you are coming from! This is pretty much exactly what my struggle has been lately!!! Praying He renews you, that He shines His face on You, that He would give you confidence in the path you are walking in His name!