Infertility update....

I write this through the tears....

I woke up this morning at 6:00am for my 8:00am appt. in Orlando and I had high hopes.  I knew I had 3 to 4 good size follicles that were working there way up to become dominate.  Today we were just checking those follicles - doing the trigger shot tonight and have the IUI Monday.  Well, sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to.  Sometimes God has other plans.   When I had my scan my follicles were actually smaller than 4 days before.  When they ran my blood work my estrogen had dropped from over 100 to 60.  This indicates that the medicine started to work...then my body pooped out.  The follicles will NOT keep growing...it's over.  I'm heart broken and this is why....

I can no longer take the oral medicine that I KNOW works for ovulation for me (Clomid) because there is a 12 cycle max on that drug without upping your risk of ovarian cancer later in life.  I've done 11 cycles.  The doctor advised me to NEVER take Clomid again.  This is why I was taking this new medicine called Femara.  It has a WONDERFUL success rate and he actually likes to prescribe this drug more than Clomid.  So we gave it a shot.  It truly had NOT crossed my mind that this drug wouldn't work for me.  Drugs have always worked for me before so why wouldn't this one work?  The only other option now is to add injectables into the mix (shots ha-ha).  The problem with that is that these drugs are VERY expensive and are NOT covered at all by insurance.  And with the injectables/IUI comes a higher risk of multiples.  Also an IUI doesn't have the good success rates that IVF has.  Sooooo we have a LOT to think about.

I will call my doctor's nurse on Monday morning to make an appt. with my doctor for a consult to discuss all of this and to make a decision on what our next step will be.  Brett and I are leaning towards another IVF cycle in light of recent circumstances.  It just doesn't seem like a good choice to proceed with injectables and do an IUI with such a low success rate and such a HIGH cost.  IVF is more expensive but the success rate is MUCH grater and honestly I'm not sure how much more my heart can take.  I'm so grateful for the options that are out there to help me become a mother again.  If this was 50 years ago I would never had been a mother in the first place.  God you are so good to us.  We are beyond blessed to live in a world that embraces adoption, IVF and other fertility treatments without shame.

Hug your babies (and pregnant bellies) a little tighter tonight.   Remember how blessed we ALL are and say an extra prayer for not just us but for ALL those struggling with infertility.  I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone but through my pain I remember how much God has changed my heart for the better.  I've learned compassion that can only come through trials like this.  God you are near - even when I am distant - help me get through.